Death

For a long time now, I've been getting these micro-weird epiphanies about death. When I get these little epiphanies, I suddenly fall into this abyss where I travel with deep thoughts that are vastly out of my ordinary world.
But seriously, things get really bizarre when my mind goes into the thinking of death. I first start to think about what my theories of what happens after death. Such as maybe we just continue dreaming or we just stay in a place similar to here on Earth and continue having a conscious. Then comes the question that tends to make me trip...
Doesn't the brain totally lose life during death, which means that it's impossible to have a continuing consciousness after death? Instead of making me fall a foot further into the abyss, it made me fall so much that I actually started to fear death.
Previously, I had never been afraid of death. I always just thought of it as another life after this one. But after I questioned about the consciousness, I got scared. I got scared because then I realized that without my thoughts and the act of thinking, I would be lost. Lost and far, far away from everything and anything that I love. As a picture of this in my mind, it was all black and lonely. Black and nothing.
"Nothing" led me into another direction into the abyss I fell within. That is, another question (and theory). Is actual nothingness simply death? Now, I tried to think nothing-what is nothing-but this was consciously impossible. When I think of "nothing" I tend to think of a blank white screen or just plain blank white in general; sometimes even pitch black. But isn't this still something? So if a plain blank white screen and pitch black still are forms of consciousness, simply "nothing" can't signify what happens after death.
What happens after death is a greatly peculiar mystery that continues to haunt everyone. Whether it's the religious beliefs or the secular ideas of today that will win the race, we will all just have to find out when the time comes.

-Sehej

It's About Time

It's been a while since I've been journaling my life in my head, actually it's been a really, really long time. Based on all these crazy thoughts I've been logging, I feel it's important to spill my thoughts. And this is obviously not just for me, but for every individual out there. So I guess it's about time to start this. To start spilling out my thoughts to someone who would actually listen to me. (Myself, most probably).
For my whole life, I've been surrounded by certain aspects that I just don't like or just don't appreciate. People, places, and other things don't certainly come within this category. I feel that most of it is myself (once again).
Success is another aspect that has been subtly following me wherever I go, but it doesn't necessarily jump at me, or consume me. My parents, sister, brother, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, school; everyone and everything circumscribing me has been consumed by success. I'm just here with success trying to grab me, or vice versa, me attempting at grabbing success.
Just yesterday, I was playing a game of Mario Kart with my sister, and I was trying so hard, putting every single bit of effort I had within me to win that 1st place, and I did. But then I questioned myself. Why am I not like this in the real world? Why am I not pretending that the real world is just like a race of Mario Kart? And it was then I realized that life is merely a game of winning success and allowing success to consume you.
All in all, it's myself and success that have been vexing me this whole time. It's about time to spill. And about time to step up my game.

-Sehej